Love ... A Subject ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Social Sciences, DipGeog., - Open University - MLit., Literature, Open University, studied MPhil., and Playwriting studies, Birmingham University, studied □□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□ When we are in love we become two different people - the person we are in regular terms, and the person we are when in love with another person. The regular person is single, the person we are in love is not. We are two different people. Different priorities emerge; we consider the other person first before ourselves. What does not work are other people in the relationship, that doesn't work at all and its advisable not to become involved with anyone who may be carrying other passengers, as it were, when formulating a new relationship with a person, its that person and us, ourselves, no-one else, that most certainly doesn't work in a situation where we may be In love with that person, it isn't serious if someone makes a gesture towards us to say, shall we ... when he may have others to see; and as we may be a person who is only entirely faithful to the one person we are agreeing to engage with, no other situation will do. The answer will always be, I'm sorry, but no, we shall not. To continue ... We are two different people. Different priorities emerge; we consider the other person first before ourselves. It is as though the regular person we are goes away on a holiday and should the condition of being in love continue we may only see our regular selves from time to time, and it is true to say we miss that person, but we have grown a new priority and we must attend to that new priority. In love we succumb entirely to the other person. Their comforts, their person, what they want and we serve that person entirely. Its work and it can be difficult work, and depending on the person we are, ourselves, we take those difficulties on board, but always we may look to the future, a different time when life and love with that person becomes less difficult and more fulfilling as a result of both travelling in the same direction and a willingness to stay. In the meantime we may start to miss our regular selves, little by little, the other person may display qualities and habits we may not be entirely familiar with, we may start at this point to question the validity of the other person's feelings and whether they are prepared to change those qualities and habits that perhaps can be modulated to serve the relationship we are forming with that person. If we are a nice decent person we look to qualities in each other that have a basis to fairness and an equal standing within the relationship. Incidentally, in love It is a sensible thing to do to remain as much in the present as possible, realistic to the other person's strengths and best sides. However, if we are in love we do tend to give the other person a free reign of our feelings, our thoughts, the way we live our lives - we tend to care for the other person and to try to make that person's life as comfortable and as complete and loving as possible by presenting the best of ourselves to them. We tend also to expect the same in return. When in love we don't wish to place undue pressure on those we love - or on the one person we are in love with. Love is quite a strange quantity. We expect no wrongs and we expect many rights. To continue ... If the relationship becomes sexual, well then our bodies we offer as a gift of our best feelings - misunderstandings have no room to play a part, misunderstandings through a lack of communication are upsetting and especially so if we cannot make the situation right because it is all wrong. When the other person turns to us, we never turn away - we always turn to the person we love for as long as they love us, for as long as they wish to touch us and to place their feelings to us. We never turn away from those we love unless we sense something may not be right. Otherwise we accept and we take of their love as much as allowing that person to take of our love. As the relationship continues it is important not to take each other for granted - not to take our sexual selves for granted. So long as there is love there is passion, and so long as there is passion there is love. When we finally find ourselves on our own again, we tuck away our sexual selves, we are no longer a sexual person.. Love too, our capacity for love tucks itself into a little place somewhere within our bodies, it permeates what we have become as a person after an experience of active love, sexual love, and it remains tucked away. We become, necessarily a person of practical means, practical lives, we may speak with those we have once been in love with, but passion has relinquished its hold more and more and eventually we find ourselves free of the chattels that bind us to love and sexual passion. It becomes ever more extinguished and we continue to live our lives until once again in a different time we become beholden to love once more; and so life and love goes on. If we are a person who are giving of ourselves and accept love from those who are giving to us we may experience a nice journey along the path of those feelings which may help us along. If the other person turns out to be a complicated kind of person we may journey a certain experience that is not ideal, so, Ideally, we will not fall in love with complications, ideally we fall in love with a person whose simple requirement is to be loved in return and to live our particular loving experience and this is the best love of all. Compatibility in all things love and sexual is the casket of gold in such relationships, and in the main we mostly wish for an equal quantity of ourselves and the person who has captured our attention and to have been captured by them. That for me is really all that matters when in love. Compatibility, equality, faithfulness and longevity in love too is important. Am I in love - no. I am not in a relationship, and unless we are in a relationship we cannot be in love even with a potential admirer. We can only be in love when we are in love with by another person, it has to be mutual, otherwise love becomes syncopated - unresolved - well then, we here may apply an analogy, if there is no curtain with which we may arise together we cannot make a show. If the curtain remains closed, we too remain closed, as people, as a couple, as a relationship. Essentially we need the person we may love to validate that love by being present in the relationship, and are sharing of themselves with us in a very personal sense. I have not given up on being in love, but for the moment it remains in absence. The other thing too is we cannot be in love with persistent selfishness, a withholding of love, that is criminality and cruelty beyond imagining, and those that knowingly participate in such selfishness and cruelty are lacking in all the good human qualities it is necessary to have in order to be wholesome, decent human beings, if all that falls short there is not a real love there in any case, and that too I cannot condone. Friendship is different and that is a different subject I may write about another time, although I would emphasise that love, being in love and in friendship are also ideal companions to the perfect relationship. Gold standard in my opinion. Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas