Evening Tide ... (e) ...

Reality for us. It's an obvious red flag. Don't you have any feelings for him ... yes ... I worry about you, neither of us can breath, the situation, it's impossible. He won't change. Hmm. Its different for me. Different, I'm not convinced by your words, to part, we don't have to go that far, I hear you. I don't know any more. You say you feel as though I have put you into second place in my life, don't you see that, I do see that sometimes I am the first person you want to talk to, out of a number of possibilities, I like the way you say that, well, its true, to be honest, I don't see what's so inglorious about that, it's not inglorious, but not that far from it. I don't know what else to say, think, what do you want me to say, then, that I'm insensitive to other people's feelings, I don't think I am, you're telling me I am, which is a little unfair considering I'm the first person you turn to in a crisis, I know that, well, let's see how things go, your stop-off point for everything you don't have an immediate answer for.

Evening Tide ...

... on yourself, you can move forward, build bridges, if you're prepared to do that, you will have your life back, little by little, grain of sand, by grain of sand, that's a lot of sifting, and building of castles in the air, let the warm rush of waves rush through. I miss you, though, terribly, I know, I see that, your warmth, I love you, I love you too. If you go away, I'll be jumping to get back to you, we will talk, I have skype, we will do skype, your husband, he has commitments, his work, is important to him, too.

Evening Tide ...
0
... and you are beautiful, stop, no, I need to say these things, you don't, you are always saying I'm beautiful, so, now it's my turn to say, you don't know how wonderful it is to hear something so nice said in such a way, by you, don't, you know it's true, I acknowledge your gift of words, and I acknowledge you. Is this the kind of conversation you're used to having, with him, not really, what then, oh, mostly, we talk about how beautiful I used to be, it hurts, why on earth does it it hurt you, it only hurts if it matters, you're right, it doesn't matter, you know those people who say you used to be beautiful, including him, they're somewhat dry, are never satisfied, always looking for the next supposed thrill, and let me tell you, a lot of the young sprites you see about are in the same situation their motives can be all over the place, a person is beautiful and there is nothing to compare, comparisons don't really come into it. Young people who put themselves about sometimes end up being hurt, they may not have the experience to cope with the fallout of the end of an affair, may become sex objects against their will, if they don't understand fully what has happened to them, they may fall into a trap and that's it, their beauty too may be marred. The thing to do is to try and cope, mentally, physically, perhaps see a doctor for medication to re-balance your thinking, it's the sensible thing to do. You are lovely, thank you for saying that, I'm saying it because it's true, it's difficult to accept pain ... choosing preservation, choosing a life where it's you who makes the choices in your life, I would not fret about that, you're right.
3 Evening Tide ...

... and, oh, there goes the telephone, I'm waiting for a call, and, oh, that's the door bell, and ... hello, you, hello, you, too, coffee? Or tea, which would you prefer? She was flushed, because of me, I can only hope that may be true, was it something he said, something perhaps whispered in her ear, and she is too polite to say, you know, like an anecdote you might tell your friends, or friend, who's to say, flushed, why so my delicate one, I can't quite make her out, and I want to, I think it might help, our relationship, provide me with a little more insight, as to why, it's not brain surgery, I say that lightly because some experiences are exactly that, surgically cutting patterns that fit ourselves, others, our lives, it all 're-arranges itself by brain, life, people, it is so very much brain surgery, I need a doctorate to display my stripes, making sense of incomprehension requires mental strength, brain must be healthy to cope with fallout, green, red, getting along, right, today, perhaps not today, not while she is silently pleading for me to understand. How can she silently plead with me for anything. She looks at me, blue eyes too blue to fathom, and the only question on my lips? Where are you, why go through this pain again? If you prick me do I not indeed bleed, don't fight me, she says, and I know we need to talk. I'm here, but we can't figure this out, because its life its unconfigurable? When I was a little girl I climbed Everest, again, and again. Everest, she says, yes, I'm the friend, I say, the parent I need to consider when considering such voyages, rites of passage, you might say. Love. Really, is, and the sad thing is if a rite of passage is in the frame, there will be pain and more pain. Only if you allow it. Always remember that. Anything, anyone that's likely to cause you pain is worth no more than a trash can that is picked up and removed and as far away from healthy green hills as it's possible to be. Again, you're right. Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Open University, Social Sciences, DipGeog., Open University, Masters, MA, MLit., Literature, studied, Open University, Masters, MA, MSc., MPhil., and Playwriting, studied, Birmingham University ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Evening Tide ... Sometimes, you say things that are a little too hard to take, even for me, even for you, how is that, exactly how I'm saying it, you and I differ in that you think that people you need to get along with around your career can be as rude as they like to any one else so long as they are not rude to you, but you don't even notice if someone is being outrageously rude to you, it's left to the rest of us to then pick up the pieces when you realize much later, when you have a moment to think that actually such and such were being rude, making derogatory remarks, and because the apprehensive situation you are in apropos your career, you don't really like to say something to them or you decide in the moment to let it pass but then you then raise it with me finding myself in a position of clearing their back for them so as not to upset you. While I am sensitive to the position you're in, for me, its torture, I have to pick up the pieces, you don't have to pick up the pieces, but I do, this is the point, I do pick up the pieces because you won't let the matter drop, why would I allow the matter to drop, so this is my point, if you feel at the time, when someone around your business circle are being rude to you or to someone else around you at the time, the point is, you need to resolve the situation there and then, there should not be room for manoeuvre on their part to pretend everything is fine, when plainly it quite clearly is not. Evening Tide ... ... and now I'm here, in the not too inglorious future, past tense, days, expectation, will you visit me or shall I come by, no, you choose, I want to be with you. You hesitated, we may recall, let's just see how things go ... are you seeing him again, what can I tell you that's new. Did you bathe this morning, no, I took a shower, I don't want to figure it out, it's not rocket science, it is, and the world didn't stop, and roses are the way they are, they're roses and roses seem to be everywhere, they bud, they bloom, they fade, rose-hips lose their petals, and are left with those tiny little fronds, bald roses ... I don't mind ... you can make tea, rose-hip tea, did anyone ever make tea from the stalks, and the leaves, you can burn them if you have an outdoor oven that is open, in autumn, it's unhealthy, okay, to take in the smoke, but from a little distance, again, just that nice autumn, end of season light burning, of wood that once lived and at the end of its life, burn, like incense... but, as I was saying, roses, the scent is simply blissful, as only life can be. It is, its a question of seeing the wood for the trees, woods are lush and so are you, you always do that, what, you know, I don't, you do, tell me, what, that we two agree on everything, really. We don't agree on everything, okay, you win, see. Evening Time ... ... and so are you. We''re talking. We're getting there; you see, no-one else could do that, what, this. I miss you, don't go there, we had a relationship, you always start things, I need to breath, we talk, apart from him, there's you and me. Take a deep breath, you're splitting hairs, its time, to see life from a different perspective, my perspective iis perfectly fine, its quite modern, modern traditional, we all have different perspectives to pull on in times when those who should know us best, but don't know us at all, go awry, then we question perspectives. Its time, I see the truth in what you're saying, for sure. Evening Tide ... Today, again, I thought, this may be another extra-ordinary day when no-one else featured in my life other than myself, and my own business to attend to, that done, another phase of my day may represent situations that are on-going aspects of my life, attending to pests, robbers, free-loaders, plagiarists, that's far too polite, to this website, get out, octopuses, that I may need to attend to, without having to consult with anyone, just minding my own personal business, when that has been attended to, I get on with the next phase of my life, and so my life goes on, I'm a free spirit, and I prefer it and like it that way, I speak with my mum, hi, mum, you okay, yes, fine, me too, open your windows, allow in ventilation, okay, speak soon, see you soon, it's important, I know, you know, you know, okay. Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas