A Few Words about Friendship ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Social Sciences, Open University, DipGeog., Open University - MLit., Literature, studied, Open University, MPhil., and Playwriting, studied, Birmingham University. ⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙ Friendship is something we either have in our lives or we don't. There are many different kinds of friendship. There is familial friendship, where we are good friends with members of our family - and remember we are entirely different people sharing a connective bond with members of our family - the times when we spend time together, when we are likely to talk and laugh together, we find that living different lives to one another and having formed connections with other people that we can share anecdotes, based on differing opinions we have with people outside of our family circle that may appear entirely alien to our immediate family environment, and quite often we may find as a family we have entirely different senses of humour which can be very rewarding in it's own way and our own conceptual view of life as we appreciate each other's company. Those times when we spend time together, when we are likely to talk and be free to smile and laugh warmly with, family that we can depend on to support us in difficult times and other times. Its actually quite revealing in that, although we may share time with family members because we choose to, in reality terms we actually spend a very little time with each other and especially when we leave home, and also because they may have other commitments to our own, or we live some distance apart. Those are the friends whose company we seek and wish for most, in an ideal world, we miss our family, our friends, people we share a common bond with. There may be instances where we as a family have separated for many different reasons and I too have experienced those kinds of separations. If we are a family who travels, and are in wider age groups, this too may impact on our lives. When we are younger and growing up in our family, those age differences are actually quite defined and profound, but in time age resolves itself and it can be about experience as with any other separation line that defines us as a family. To continue, as we become older concerns with regards to family and family friendship change, our horizons change, through the different experiences that we have and family become the people we visit and they become the people who visit us. When they do visit there is this internal dialogue that we have with ourselves about changes or differences we notice in each other, we begin to speak and we find we have become quite formal and polite, we revert to our own language, Portuguese, in mine and my family's case, to see if any barriers become easier to negotiate with our own language, and we notice the same kinds of formality there, sometimes we can break away a little where we laugh together, but usually, because life is serious we find mostly we converse seriously with one another; we are concerned with each others' welfare, our health, advise one another about important things we must observe in life, we say to each other we must assert our rights as human beings with others who may challenge our place in this life and the world around us, we relate our experiences, we feel indignified for each other, this situation is terrible, that occurrence is not on, and so on and so forth, there are sad things to relate sometimes about people outside of our lives who we care about and we share those moments with our family and include those we wish to protect with our concern. To redefine, family and family friendship are some of the most important human bonds we have and we miss our family terribly when they are absent, and we mourn our parting when it's time to leave soon.

There are other kinds of friendships of course, outside of our own families, they may be sociable friendships, people we have met during our life time that we keep in touch with, or they are occasional friends, people we see from time to time and try to include in our lives, people that we may wish to speak with and they with us and honouring that commitment. There are friendships we may form through other people we have met in our lives, whom we have been introduced to and find we get along with. There are friendships we formulate at work, and through our work, or study, school, college, university, and we try to keep in touch with, sometimes that's not possible and everyone understands that. Friendship is something that all of us or a few of us may regard with a sense of responsibility. We feel we have a responsibility towards our friends, that we may give counselling and good advice to, if sought. There are those friends who seek our company, seek our counselling, because that is the kind of friendship we may have. Friendship can be nurturing, we like people who like us, and who are like us in similar ways who we feel a certain affinity with, and the same in return, if we feel in any way betrayed by those who appear to be on friendly terms with us, we walk away. Importantly, we form lasting friendships with those we are in a relationship with, however if life happens and we can no longer be in touch, not as often as we perhaps may like, other commitments take over our lives, this too is something to mourn, the separation can be profound and affects the kind of people we are, we break away to become someone different, however, the person we become is very often a reminder of the person that we used to be, more carefree, not so burdened with the worries we may carry in a relationship. In my experience, the best friends are friends such as one's mum, a mum we have spent a lot of time with over the years conferring on things that happen in our respective lives. Sadly, its not always possible to continue our friendship with our mum or other close parent or family because they have their own lives with concerns entirely separate from us, and we stand back to live our own lives and develop our own friendships too, but we should never forget our mum, our good parent, or brothers, in my case, sometimes we find we need each other as a family and that's fine, but we too and they must live lives that we and they made for our and their selves, it can be a little bit of a tear, but so long as we don't forget each other and keep in touch, that's the main thing, it's important to have space to evolve our own respective lives, its one of those things, we can be happy as a family and friends when life is going well, and of course we are sad if life takes a little bit of a tumble, but it really is essential we pick ourselves up and get on with life, that is absolutely crucial, we must read books, and talk with friends, maintain as happy and positive a view of ourselves and the world around us, its okay, that's life, that's the way it is. To continue ... My mum has formed friendships over the years, and especially when she returns to her country of birth, Madeira. She has friends of different ages, very young people to young people to more or less people of her own age, and older. She is a person who gets along with people well. Over the years I have become more and more reserved and circumspect about friendships. I don't like people who may disappoint me in some way through unbecoming behaviour, that doesn't work for me. We can also be in a situation with people we have lived with in a relationship, when that relationship is over, it may be a romantic relationship, you move on separately into your own respective lives to formulate other relationships and friendships, one or two you may remain friends with and one or two you may not. I have lived with two people in my life, apart from my family, they were long-term relationships - and I have been involved in a romantic relationship where we have not lived together. Sometimes you remain friends because you live nearby and can maintain a friendship, because you keep in touch. Other friendships you must part with, and that can be very painful. If you are a nice person and care about your friends it hurts when major life changes come along to challenge our lives, our perspectives, our connections to one and another, other people enter the framework and we part - its okay, that's all right, its a natural progression, and we part for very important reasons, so that we too can get on with our own lives. Friendship. Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas