Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Open University, DipGeog., Open University - MLit., Literature, studied, Open University, MPhil., and Playwriting, studied, Birmingham University.
Its always, we will see, I know, but, that's how it is, we have to see how things go, or to be academic, we have to see how our lives develop, do you really think we could make a go of things, have a life together, have our home just the way we like it ... we could holiday, the way we used to, before nonsense entered our lives, the two of us, perhaps, not abroad at first, nice places, in England or Britain, what, you know, the UK, oh, have fun, I know, we need to take each other seriously, of course, look at me, you're smiling, I know, you're smiling, oh, am I, yeah, but, we do, I know, we always have, let the other know of developments, developments, yeah, I know what you mean, no, you know, in our respective lives, academically, I see, do you, oh, okay, hmm, hold nothing back, no, no, a relationship is not a relationship unless honesty becomes the prop and mainstay of our lives, our entire existence, hmm, entirely, yeah, I know, I know you do, this conversation, hey, we're talking, that's something, it sure is ... you know why you're anxious, you think I'm anxious, a little, I didn't know that, and lonely, you think I'm lonely, well, yeah, okay, ... it's the heartache that you're left with that stays with you the most, you learn all this stuff at college, university, oh, not really, and it seems to me you are always seeking thrills, I didn't know that, you did, you do, and you know they're addictive, I didn't know that, I need to go study, hmm, I know that now, you needed to exercise some control over your emotions, that so, not have your heart and lungs dragged out of you at every turn, does sound awful, hmm, yes. Don't you see that, what I see is that I don't think you would be happy only with me, where did that come from, university, I would be, are you sure, because i could always go back to college, to be more academic, you are special, you think so, and you are beautiful ...
Evening Tide ...
I feel a little embarrassed, don't, don't be embarrassed, why would you be embarrassed, life is too short for embarrassments of any kind, I talk too much, you don't, and even if you did I don't see that as a failing, but in a different context, you talk, its all rather interesting, and it opens up debate, the moment you start asking questions, that brings people in, they have their own personal stories they want to share, I actually like talking to and with people, I love that bond, it's immediate, it reconciles differences to such an extent there are no differences after a while, and you start to empathise, we tell our stories, and we understand.
Evening Tide ...
You mean that, of course, why would I not, of course you're being sincere, could you be anything else, I'm astounded as to how well we're getting along, here, considering all the fracas that went on, apropos us moving in together for a while, when was anything worthwhile ever easy to accomplish, no, we must pay the price of our success and that is a little pain along the way, a little pain, please don't dismiss pain as anything little, to me there is nothing little about pain,I'm sorry, my God, I say not so, but, we can both be right, in this instance I think it's fair to say we are both to blame in equal portion, are you serious, for our own misgivings, what are you saying, which initially beset our friendship, initially, beset, are we back to academics, but, it's very much as they say, wait a minute, no pain, no gain, what, it sounds almost trite to say it, trite, but it saves us being overwhelmed, kidding me, by the changes we experienced initially, that's two words, same words, academically, and now, we are free to proceed and be ourselves, Is this you, I don't know, is this you, comfortable in each other's company. Don't you agree, you must agree.
Evening Tide ...
To life, happiness, New York. Oh, that takes me back. My mind is clear. We live our lives. Possibilities, opportunities ... where do you go to my lovely, I don't really like that song ... tra la la, tra la la, see what I mean, it's a fallacy you know, she wasn't actually alone, oh, where is this going, no, no. She was sleeping, on a bed of petals, rose petals, what other kind are there, the heady scent of wild roses in bloom, he touched her, ran the petals over her skin, my God, with such delicacy, she was alive, the scent was real ... is it still the same song, listen ... he ascended as by a ladder, much safer than a rope, yep, I thought rope, then I changed it, and anyway, as by a ladder into the room where she slept her peaceful sleep, dreaming she was wide awake, much safer to be in one's bed merely dreaming, amen, I remember thinking when I heard the song, oh, no, a gentle temperance, a certain devotion, an echo in time, into the future, very poetic, and she loved him, did he love her, I don't know, and now ... I hear you. And, then, we will see ... it's the way forward, no more dreaming, only sweet scented roses, I love roses, the kind to put in a vase, in water, no thorns, oh, I know, and a new life ... can it be possible, to start again, start anew, life on a wing of a dove. Start the way we mean to go on. And when we both go somewhere there will be nonsense, ooh, I'm serious, to cope with, Its not nonsense, it's my life, but it's not mine, and that's why he is there. To commute the nonsense that you don't like? That's how it is. I like to live a normal life, and sometimes with me there are extra-ordinary times, I'm not into that, it's nonsense, it's my work, I don't like it, and it changes you, it has an impact on who you are as a person, afterwards you are distant, is that, really, yes, as though you've been carried away by all the nonsense, it's not nonsense, but it is. Sometimes. Who are we talking about, here, people, you know, people, you know how they are. Suppositions, hmm, some people act on their suppositions, it's what the rest of us see, it's not that interesting, I know, they're not that interesting, I know.
Evening Tide ...
... Not necessarily in emotional bonding, I still gave him some of the best of me, but not all of you, people do, I work intimately, and intensively with people, sounds like a blast, seriously, I can't quarter up, something has to give, something has given, marriage, it's terrible, it's really what some people would say is an empty shell, that's terrible, people we love are not empty shells, where do those sayings originate, I don't know, a shell that is empty, that's so sad, and in the meantime what happens to the life that was inside the shell, well, exactly, it's sad, it is, it really is, I'm lonely, why, lonely, what do you mean, don't you get lonely, no, I don't, I'm happiest in my own company, would you be happy if I stayed out late, stayed the night away, and much of the following day too, and the next, make a point not to do that, I never heard anything as disconcerting, and this is my point. I know. If you can forgive those things, you can, you think so, you could try, I would do my best, it's not negotiable, really, see, what if that means leaving you, I don't know then, I understand you should spend time with your family, of course, you are an understanding person, doesn't work otherwise, you cannot be circumspect with friendship.
Evening Tide ...
That, that somehow entitles them to approach you, you hardly at all notice the inappropriate nature of the circumstances you're in. You know, I'm not so gullible as you think, I don't think you're gullible, I know what you're saying, there is truth in what you say. Let's change the subject, I'll try to think about things in a different way, I'm looking out for you, where were you when I was growing up, at the bottom of your garden, no doubt being the kind fairy you were wishing for, but my fairy was there all along, my desire to learn, about life, through books, I wasn't much into anything outside of books, I loved my family, my life, that's all that mattered, about lots of different things, you learn a lot by observation, people, the kind of people that are in books and outside of books, you become arrested, when you're young, certainly, by all the facts you're supposed to take in and learn, that after a while you start to really look at people, again, you find some unusual examples on television, when television works, you can only take in a little of that at a time, and you look at those things and its more knowledge.
Evening Tide ...
In that moment of weakness I fell, treacherously. But, now you're free, I'm well, I have no wish to 're-visit pain, I don't know what to say, then don't say anything, I'm sorry.
Evening Tide ...
You are always there for me and that's what I require in a friend. I was so impatient to meet with you, I know, I was the same. I love you, I love you, too. Now we understand each other well.
Evening Tide. Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas
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