Love ... A Subject ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Social Sciences, DipGeog., - Open University - MLit., Literature, Open University, studied MPhil., and Playwriting studies, Birmingham University, studied □□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□ When we are in love we become two different people - the person we are in regular terms, and the person we are when in love with another person. The regular person is single, the person we are in love is not. We are two different people. Different priorities emerge; we consider the other person first before ourselves. What does not work are other people in the relationship, that doesn't work at all and its advisable not to become involved with anyone who may be carrying other passengers, as it were, when formulating a new relationship with a person, its that person and us, ourselves, no-one else, that most certainly doesn't work in a situation where we may be In love with that person, it isn't serious if someone makes a gesture towards us to say, shall we ... when he may have others to see; and as we may be a person who is only entirely faithful to the one person we are agreeing to engage with, no other situation will do. The answer will always be, I'm sorry, but no, we shall not. To continue ... We are two different people. Different priorities emerge; we consider the other person first before ourselves. It is as though the regular person we are goes away on a holiday and should the condition of being in love continue we may only see our regular selves from time to time, and it is true to say we miss that person, but we have grown a new priority and we must attend to that new priority. In love we succumb entirely to the other person. Their comforts, their person, what they want and we serve that person entirely. Its work and it can be difficult work, and depending on the person we are, ourselves, we take those difficulties on board, but always we may look to the future, a different time when life and love with that person becomes less difficult and more fulfilling as a result of both travelling in the same direction and a willingness to stay. In the meantime we may start to miss our regular selves, little by little, the other person may display qualities and habits we may not be entirely familiar with, we may start at this point to question the validity of the other person's feelings and whether they are prepared to change those qualities and habits that perhaps can be modulated to serve the relationship we are forming with that person. If we are a nice decent person we look to qualities in each other that have a basis to fairness and an equal standing within the relationship. Incidentally, in love It is a sensible thing to do to remain as much in the present as possible, realistic to the other person's strengths and best sides. However, if we are in love we do tend to give the other person a free reign of our feelings, our thoughts, the way we live our lives - we tend to care for the other person and to try to make that person's life as comfortable and as complete and loving as possible by presenting the best of ourselves to them. We tend also to expect the same in return. When in love we don't wish to place undue pressure on those we love - or on the one person we are in love with. Love is quite a strange quantity. We expect no wrongs and we expect many rights. To continue ... If the relationship becomes sexual, well then our bodies we offer as a gift of our best feelings - misunderstandings have no room to play a part, misunderstandings through a lack of communication are upsetting and especially so if we cannot make the situation right because it is all wrong. When the other person turns to us, we never turn away - we always turn to the person we love for as long as they love us, for as long as they wish to touch us and to place their feelings to us. We never turn away from those we love unless we sense something may not be right. Otherwise we accept and we take of their love as much as allowing that person to take of our love. As the relationship continues it is important not to take each other for granted - not to take our sexual selves for granted. So long as there is love there is passion, and so long as there is passion there is love. When we finally find ourselves on our own again, we tuck away our sexual selves, we are no longer a sexual person.. Love too, our capacity for love tucks itself into a little place somewhere within our bodies, it permeates what we have become as a person after an experience of active love, sexual love, and it remains tucked away. We become, necessarily a person of practical means, practical lives, we may speak with those we have once been in love with, but passion has relinquished its hold more and more and eventually we find ourselves free of the chattels that bind us to love and sexual passion. It becomes ever more extinguished and we continue to live our lives until once again in a different time we become beholden to love once more; and so life and love goes on. If we are a person who are giving of ourselves and accept love from those who are giving to us we may experience a nice journey along the path of those feelings which may help us along. If the other person turns out to be a complicated kind of person we may journey a certain experience that is not ideal, so, Ideally, we will not fall in love with complications, ideally we fall in love with a person whose simple requirement is to be loved in return and to live our particular loving experience and this is the best love of all. Compatibility in all things love and sexual is the casket of gold in such relationships, and in the main we mostly wish for an equal quantity of ourselves and the person who has captured our attention and to have been captured by them. That for me is really all that matters when in love. Compatibility, equality, faithfulness and longevity in love too is important. Am I in love - no. I am not in a relationship, and unless we are in a relationship we cannot be in love even with a potential admirer. We can only be in love when we are in love with by another person, it has to be mutual, otherwise love becomes syncopated - unresolved - well then, we here may apply an analogy, if there is no curtain with which we may arise together we cannot make a show. If the curtain remains closed, we too remain closed, as people, as a couple, as a relationship. Essentially we need the person we may love to validate that love by being present in the relationship, and are sharing of themselves with us in a very personal sense. I have not given up on being in love, but for the moment it remains in absence. The other thing too is we cannot be in love with persistent selfishness, a withholding of love, that is criminality and cruelty beyond imagining, and those that knowingly participate in such selfishness and cruelty are lacking in all the good human qualities it is necessary to have in order to be wholesome, decent human beings, if all that falls short there is not a real love there in any case, and that too I cannot condone. Friendship is different and that is a different subject I may write about another time, although I would emphasise that love, being in love and in friendship are also ideal companions to the perfect relationship. Gold standard in my opinion. Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas

Writer and Playwright, Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas BSc Hons., Social Sciences, Open University DipGeog., Open University - MLit., Literature, Open University, studied MPhil., and Playwriting Studies, Birmingham University, studied ******************************************************************* Please note I am Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas - Writer and Playwright. My Website address is (Google) then, Wordcraft 42.

Writing advice ... advanced ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas BSc Hons., Social Sciences, Open University DipGeog., Open University - MLit., Literature, Open University MPhil and Playwriting Studies, Birmingham University, studied ⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙ My Website. Wordcraft 42. This Website is a writing Website. I refer you to my Introductory Page ...Writing, {Wordcraft 42} Often, I talk about writing - obviously I write about experiences, situations that have importuned upon me, which I have felt it appropriate to address. If we just return to the beginning and the first page I wrote giving readers advice about the writing format where I illustrated some ideas to get readers started into writing. Those principles through which I explained some of the processes involved in the writing medium are pertinent and conclusive. You have to start somewhere and if you are writing to be a writer, a person who expresses their views through writing then those steps that I broached with you are a way to start. Of course you may be a person with a lot to say about everything, or most things in life, in that case .... it's a case of organising your thoughts, in order to do that you need to go up a level, you need to apply a theoretic criteria to your thoughts - you can do this by including a few simple steps in your repertoire of learning criteria, for instance, by simply selecting a good book to read, please ensure when making your selection that the book you choose to read is not the type of book to distract you from your commitment and remit which is simply to read what is written and to understand the story and formulate an opinion that you can discuss afterwards about what you have learned and read about from the book you have recently acquired, or borrowed or purchased for that purpose, the purpose of reading. (I must add at this point, that you ensure you understand my clear advice which is to read appropriate content and material from reading implements that enhance your perception of the world around you through the experiences you have through reading educated text, I trust my readers are at an advanced stage of the writing process, what i mean by that is, that you are able to engage with your subject and its processes, it would help if you have studied for a degree or other higher education qualification, this way you will be in a position, educationally to understand what i am saying to you, here, in my Website, Wordcraft 42, if I ever meet any of my readers I would expect a thourough knowledge of the reading matter of the subjects i may encourage you to read and acquire a knowledge of, bom, estamos a comprender one another), to continue, by this I mean a book that will incurr your interest and keep you engaged in the process of reading, learning the details by realising all the content that is presented to you through the pages of a well written book, (also, I may add here that should you meet people, always be open to a positive application of thought about those you meet and may speak with, it is often said that we should not judge a book by its cover, i also believe we should thoroughly judge a book by its cover, by this I mean we take our naive thinking and apply it discretionarily, also let us say because obviously those bon mots may or may not be the exception to the rules because of course there are those instances whereby you meet people you instinctively like or you meet people you instinctively don't like and for very good reasons, people we meet suddenly we require to take in small doses, Investigate but not judge, or you may judge, but in stages, if you are an educated person you do not immediately write people off, what we must do is allow our subjects to declare themselves to us, through behaviour and manner and habbits and all sorts of other give-aways that may incur questions in our minds about such people, their motives, they may carry themselves in such ways as to make it immediately obvious to a perceptive mind what they're about in an instant, we realise immediately if they are up to no good, or they may declare themselves in the opposite way, again, its always best to allow your subjects to emerge from their personal story and that's the way it is) you may have questions in your mind about certain people you meet and you are absolutely right in being cautious, life and people are one or the most difficult subjects my readers and myself too will ever encounter during our lifetimes, and we absolutely must ensure those we don't trust don't take us for a ride, so I would advise my readers to not only exercise caution but ensure too you do not become involved with such cautionary tales, unless you come across them inadvertently in the pages of a book and there too you need to be selective so that when you are reading you feel safe in the knowledge that what you read is not the kind of obverse propaganda to throw you from the task you are committed to, and so it is with people, be careful) .... So there are a variety of criteria to observe with the writing process, reading good insightful books, also difficult books, your mind will unravel in consciousness or sub-consciousness when sleeping or relaxing or just doing whatever you do that is of a clean capacity, straight-laced, correct, understand ....you require a personality and character which has its own signature and perceptive memory, through everything you do and accomplish, if your life is free of obstacles which would otherwise stop you from being who you are which would make it difficult but not impossible for your mind to unravel just about anything you can think of, however, it is best that you are a good straight-forward intelligent person and value your intelligence your mind is so clear of that which is excessive it will without any preamble accommodate everything that may be difficult or may seem difficult to grasp by doing the job for you, it will unravel matter that will automatically adhere or convert to your brain cells to help your mind be selective in its criteria for intelligent and perceptive analysis in almost any field of expertise you may care to mention. So, I can't emphasise enough the importance of reading - its very important you stretch your mind and away from environments that may be lacking in most of the better qualities of human endeavour that are not endeavours in that case but are a quantitative compound of manipulative, controlling and disassociative patterns of behaviour that conclusively add to the criminal mind, let us cite, right here, in my Website, Wordcraft 42, expert analysis of people and the way they think. So, its very important to read and to observe. To stretch your thinking by reading organised text - a broadsheet newspaper. - the back pages - the political comentaries, theatre reviews, obituaries, all of the content there and some of the more pertinent news of the day which you will find on the front pages, again, look at a complicated article, by an extremely thorough writer in any part of the paper, and read the column from beginnig to end, don't practice reading one or two bits here and there to only correlate the gist of the story, or half the article, you will quickly loose the thread of what you are reading and your memory cannot properly retain incomplete information, that is not the way your mind works, if you practice poor habits, you will be your poor habits, understood ....your mind will not be able to associate half bits of information, it will disassociate itself from you and remain suspended, a quantity apart, do not take up bad habits with reference to reading or anything else you may do, you will simply emerge as a sum of your parts rather than the whole of your parts, you can only cohere your thinking if you follow the realm of the article and the way the writer takes you on that journey, that's why there is a certain order, conformities to be followed in everything you may do in life, we are organised in certain ways to understsnd and hear and see coherently, there are no exceptions to those rules, there is always a beginning, a middle and an end to everything conclusive that you read, that goes for mostly everything in life, people, books, experiences , situations from beginning through middle to end. Compre-endem ... however, a book or an article that is excessively verbose is not necessarily an appropriate book or column to read, it may be too advanced for you, you may not have acquired the language and comprehension essential for you to understand exactly what is being said, for instance, if you happen upon Ulysses, by James Joyce ......{Ullysses is a novel by Irish Writer, James Joyce. It was first serialised in parts in the American journal, The Little Review from March 1918 to December, 1920, and then published in its entirety by Sylvia Beach in February, 1922 in Paris - □reference, Google□}. you will be in the company of verbosity ad-infinitum - perhaps you could look at Dickens, Charles Dickens, it is British Victorian literature at its best, - if you find Dickens a little heavy, well, that's the nature of Victorian literature - I would in that case recommend you go straight across the spectrum and read something modern, but also illustrative of the writing process, perhaps something along the lines of Bridget Jones diary, {Bridget Jones diary, author, Helen Fielding - it is also a film, screenwriters, Helen Fielding, Andrew Davis and Richard Curtis}, it is internal dialogue in thinking as the characters are drawn out, that is the story environment, I have to own here not to have read the book, however I did catch the film when it was shown on television, it was on itv2, I watched it because it had been spoken about, with Renee Zelwegger, and a host of other actors, mainly British acting fraternity, i'm not exactly drawn to those types of texts, or films, but you may be and it will at least encourage you to read something by at least someone who can discuss expertly the fathoms of her particular experiences, London life, at that particular time, its one of those books i may read in time, in a few years as a way of seeing or analysing a historical insight into the period of those times, of a certain kind of temperament or age, the way modern girls set about or lived their lives once they have gained independence and into the world of work alongside men of the age and their experiences. You may judge or you may just be a passive interloper in other people's lives, its reading matter and it may be appropriate to you and your particular experiences., your life stories. The reason I don't need to read such stories is because my reading choices are entrenched in post-modern literature, American and British and Victorian literature. - I hardly ever look at anything of our age and times and you too can make those choices, but it starts early, I've been reading books and girls' own illustrations, cartoons of the period since i was a small girl, since I was three years of age and always wholesome literature, always, so think about that, so I hardly read anything of our age and times and that's why if you have made those specific choices it is important you keep up with a literary life in the twenty first century and specifically of our times by reading a very good broadsheet newspaper, you can keep up that way, when you can, you have to sit for a specific amount of time, hours, and dedicate your attention to reading the newspaper - the Guardian fulfills most criteria - week-day and week-end - the week-end or Saturday paper, which has a literary review which is interesting, you will there be able to read reviews of books being published currently, the writers are very good reviewers, and on Sundays there is their sister paper, the Observer. So here I am providing you with good alternatives for your reading choices and after a little while, combined with a thorough practical involvement and engagement with the writing process, you will start to emerge as a very good reader, able to engage with what is being written and a very good writer, but you have to be dedicated to writing well and to speaking well too, that's also important in helping you to understand life and people and importantly to allow you to organise your thoughts succinctly as you speak, this becomes an automatic process after much time doing exactly everything I have discussed here, in this particular analyses at the writing process apart from reading choices that are not necessarily part of my repertoire. You will in time emerge as a very good writer with something very important to say, opinions, ideas, experiences, thoughts, its all good material for the writing process for you to correlate from your point of view. Please note i have over the years read books on history and historical events, biographies, plays, books by foreign writers in translation, modern and period, also literature essential in O'Level, A'Level and MA Literature at University, and a quantity of reading courses material based on the Social Sciences, almost every modern subject you can think of in the study of a Degree BSc Honours Degree. You need to work to be able to articulate your thinking academically and intellectually. For now, Good Luck, and Good Writing. Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas A point to Mr Edgar - Playwright I would be grateful if you and your assistants would work on your own writing work. Thank you.

The housewives of ... programmes ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas BSc Hons., Social Sciences, Dip.Geog., Open University - MLit., Literature, Open University, studied MPhil., and Playwriting, studied, Birmingham University. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ I don't know whether you watch itv2 week-day, ten minutes past four until six o'clock, I do, sometimes, the wives, their behaviour, their's and their families' is odd beyond credibility. There are exceptions, but the reality is for inexperienced uneducated people their heads get wasted by the attention they receive from certain individuals they think is legitimate, if they have an education its elementary high school, anyone with a degree seem to be in a minority and a peculiar niche, it doesn't actually help them in dealing with basically over-grown high school kids mentality, obviously they all have their own arguments to struggle with, it's not legitimate whatever external attention they receive and doesn't actually serve their interests, they obviously don't know any better and their responses are somewhat questionnable. You would have to pay me and have my lawyer present to meet those people and to have a conversation with them I would require top bucks, at least five hundred thousand per half hour, do the maths. Okay, let's go, what do I think of their individual behaviour, not a lot. To me it's insane why anyone chooses to spend time with people they don't like or get along with, I can only imagine they make an appearance to earn the money that goes with making that appearance. You are not free if you choose to do that. They all seem to exist within this nucleus of their own family and don't seem to interact with anyone outside that immediate circle, or they have friends they treat as family and are part of that circle. It can be interesting to see their behaviour, it doesn't require analysis, occasionally there is a ray of sunshine, one or other of them utters something that is perceptive and akin to profundity, but I don't understand why they take so much cheap crap from one or the other. The arguments they have are unbelievably empty and shallow and meaningless, I don't see within the context of their immediate living environments where they are coming from with their various remarks. Bora Bora seemed like a beautiful holiday destination. I see Vicki and Brooks as a nice couple, i don't understand anyone else interfering and making inappropriate remarks to them and about them. Its unhealthy to have shouting matches with each other. The other programme, the Texas programme, I don't understand the bitchiness that goes on, individually they may have something to offer that is positive, but it's difficult to quantify all that when you see all the bad behaviour. The daughters can come across as lackadaisical ...I quite like all the women in the Texas programme, however, i did not like Kaylin's mother, what a horror show, Leslie is obviously a guardian angel in Kaylin's life and a good all round person to get her away from that trashy piece, God, she was horrendous, but when they start the low downs, whew, that Pam, she needs mouth surgery to deviate some of the pot pourie aromas that permeate and travel forth from that mouth, really, Pam, and i think that's Heidi's point too. Leave the room or get a room and air your differences there. Perhaps I will continue ... I''ll see ...

Christmas and Birthdays ... something to write about ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Open University, DipGeog., Open University - MLit., Literature, Open University, studied, MPhil., and Playwriting, studied, Birmingham University, ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ We all look forward to special events in our lives, a birthday, Christmas time. I have spent many Christmas moments/years on my own, it's okay, some of my family go abroad, to Madeira, we have responsibilities, a house which must be opened, to be aired and lived in, it's a must do trip for my family. The rest of my family live a distance away, in Southport, i live in Derbyshire, they are either working or getting through the festive period quickly so they can get back to the normal routines of life. I don't wish for Christmas to get by quickly in particular, my life is a Christmas day every day if I'm truthful, my birthdays I tend to sense more because they're very personal to me and I would prefer to share them, but usually my birthdays too I spend on my own. Once you have been through a break-up in a relationship, it's a fact of life that you will inevitably just do your own thing, and that's what I do. I do my my best, but I'm being stalked and harassed by losers, the evil that can surround better lives, i'm someone who has always attracted unwelcome attention, jealousies, pettinesses from evil individuals not educated in the niceties of life. Apart from those external confluences, I choose and appreciate my own company. However, just to explore the meaning of special occasions in our lives. The reality for most or some of us is that we do look forward to special occasions. When I was younger I sometimes did not dare think about my birthday or Christmas; I was kind of shy, very shy, and didn't really want any attention that departed from the norm. I chose to look forward to occasions quietly. My friends at school would make a fuss, bring me a card, my best friend would bring me a card and a gift - wrapped by her mum - I would prefer not to have those responsibilities placed on me - receiving a gift is a responsibility, I took it all very seriously, and we are not always in a position to offer a gift in return when the occasion arose - immediately i saw my gift I was planning in my mind the gift to return to my friend or friends. It worried me, I would talk about my worries regarding gifts to my friends with mum and she would say, we will buy something nice for this friend or that friend. To be honest, I always considered my friends were very lucky and received extremely nice gifts and hospitality from me and my family, because when they visited our home we were always very welcoming to them and our table always full to them, my mum would not hear of anyone coming to see me and going hungry or without having something nice to eat, something I found peculiarly irregular in my English friends because their parents did not seem to be so demonstratively welcoming to me and their own daughters, we would often be hungry until i left and they waited tea, sometimes my friends, usually my best friend would make toast in a hurry and a cup of tea, i kind of sensed the situation and feeling the weight of the occasion i would say, are you sure its okay we have toast, and she would say, yeah, of course it is, its just you don't seem comfortable, i would somehow manage to say, in a whisper, don't be daft, my dad will be home soon, he's alright, he likes you, and what about your mum, and she would say, my mum likes you as well, i would feel a little odd with the whole thing and put it down to the English ways of life and english peculiarities of people, so, toast and tea was fine, and she would talk in whispers about her mum and dad, and she would say her dad was always going into her room to kiss her goodnight or have her on his lap for a 'cuddle', i would say, really, is that okay with you, she was a big busted girl, and she would say, yeah, and your mum, i would say, is she okay with you cuddling your dad, yeah, she would say, i was a very intuitive child and teenager as I am as an adult, i talked about those things with my mum, we felt it was odd, mum said to talk about it with my friend in a way not to make her feel uncomfortable and my friend always broached the subject with me; these experiences with my best friend or other friends would open an important channel of communication for me and my mum as I grew up and developed as a young woman about each other's relationships in family life, which I felt became important to discuss as I observed my friends' lives. As I was saying about friends and gifts, after talking about things with mum I would feel a little better, but the weight of receiving my gifts weighed upon me and worried me continually. I guess you could say I was a little bit of a worrier; but, apart from my worries, as a person growing up, i was okay. Inevitably, it's true to say, my gifts to friends were always better than the gifts I received, and, unhappilly, that has always been the case; to a point.  The gifts I received from my family and my boyfriends have always been outstanding, and if I believe the thought is special to a gift it means more than anything priceless, and that's the way it should be. My first boyfriend telling me he loved me was a gift, my second boyfriend proposing to me was a gift. My mum coming home from hospital alive and well and free of cancer was a gift, just as the news my dad had died in an accident was a terrible gift, and so on, you get the picture. All intruders, leave my website now, I don't want you here, I can assure you. My family gave me special gifts, when I was growing up, I was given a microscope from my god-son-adopted uncle, he was thirty-five years older than me and my auntie's common law husband; a typewriter from my mum; a baby blue boy doll with blue hair from my older brother which in recent times, sadly, I gave away to Oxfam, a made and created card with heartfelt poem from my little brother, from my older brother as well, and a promise between me and my little brother we would watch the same programmes on television without falling out over what, that was a big deal. We had to be friends, my little brother and I because we spent so much of our spare time together; my friends loved him, his curls, they loved touching his golden curls and they would say, oh, come on, Ange, bring Virgilio, if we were going somewhere - we would look at each other, his impish little smile, and I would say, okay - but we all have to look after him, not just me - agreed. And so it went. My older brother I hardly saw because he worked, or he was at college, or, a lot of the time, with his girlfriend of the moment; and he had one or two of those. They were always revelations to me, not really what I would consider at home kind of girls, they were perfectly happy to cozy up with my brother in his room upstairs while the family were downstairs, that to me was a big no, no, that to me said it all, not my kind of girls, lets say, I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, they were as different from me as it was possible to be and I didn't think they were the kind of girls who would make my brother happy, they only lived for the moment and i felt they didn't see my brother in terms of the long term, so for me, I did not have any respect for them; respect for me, my mum, yes, if they had observed that, then okay we could have overlooked their less than desirable qualities, but no respect or consideration to me or my mum in that way spelt the end of them with my brother, not because of anything we said, we wanted my brother to be happy, but he got hurt a few times and we were not surprised with that. I considered them in the main, older, more sophisticated; worldly somehow, which to me meant careless and out for what they could get from my brother, I wasn't really friends with them, nor they with me, they were okay with me, they liked me, but they knew we were as different from one and the other as it was possible to be. I've never regarded lax attitudes as a good recipe for anyone's girlfriend, much less a fiance or wife, no. I was different. Even my little brother as he grew up would bring girls home, they were always so precious, kind of spoilt or posh - one girlfriend I remember had a place at Cambridge University - she was ooming and auhing, didn't want to leave my brother for University she knew would change her life - her parents asked Virgilio if he would talk with her and encourage her to go to Cambridge and he did; I remember she came over to our house and I was reading Vogue and I thought, gosh, that was her, that was the kind of person I was reading about - manners and affection and love were all I asked for my brother and she had and was all that - she went to Cambridge and that was that. They kept in touch, but both their lives took different paths, and different directions. We see those changes In our lives and we learn from those experiences. I remember some of the posh girls my brothers would introduce me to, my brothers would say embarrassing things like, this is my sister, the clever one of the family - or, this is my sister, the model in our family, or this is my sister, the sensible one, or this is my sister, the posh one out of all of us - such things. When it was my turn, I would say, these are my brothers, my mum, Keith, my mum's boyfriend, everyone would be happy and there was always a happy party kind of atmosphere as they welcomed a new member to our family - my first boyfriend Simon, then my second boyfriend Kenny. To continue ... Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas

A room of my own ... A life of my own ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Social Sciences, Open University, DipGeog., Open University - MLit., Literature, studied, Open University, MPhil., and Playwriting, studied, Birmingham University. □□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡□□□□□□□□ I acquired a room of my own the moment I left home. I left home when I was nineteen, and attained work and got on with my life. Even though I had been in a relationship for most of my life, first of all with my family and then with my boyfriend, a steady relationship, of some years together, then with a boyfriend who became my fiance and we lived together for many years. I set off to be independent and to live on my own at age forty-two, it should be a big deal for the person who came along and caused that, a responsibility should be observed by the person i loved at the time, that's all i ask. I have always felt I was very lucky with both my boyfriends in that they both loved me respectively and never looked outside our lives to anyone else. My first boyfriend and I were together before, during and after University, during the first year my first boyfriend lived in halls of residence, where I was at home living with my family, I always felt my boyfriend was very sensible in never getting involved with anyone else, and loved me completely and solely, we spent many week-ends during that year apart, together. He started a graduate training scheme with lots of other young people and again, only our love for each other sustained us and us only. We parted, we were both devastated, after seven years together and I then lived with my second boyfriend, and he worked with a lot of other people, lots of women and men who liked him, and again, never would it have crossed my boyfriend's mind to become embroiled with anyone else. We broke up, sadly, devastation doesn't quite describe what we went through during the break up, the same devastation on both occasions, because I fell in love utterly and completely with another person, an older person and I could just not get over it. He too fell in love with me, and sadly our love never happened. Whilst he was able to move on from me, i found i could not move on from him, I'm still in love, because of him, but we are not together. Living on my own has meant making my own decisions and living through a number of difficulties which have somehow passed by and taken a little knock out of me here and there. I only started living completely on my own some eight years ago, I met another boyfriend who was in my life for some seven months, I had been on my own for just over a year before that, he liked me and persevered, we were together, then we agreed to break up, sad, and now we are friends. However, this has been the longest time I have been with no-one special in my life, some six years, a long time, i have looked to the person who could be in my life to be that special person, because I feel he perhaps may see me as special to him too, but he keeps on being away, when he should perhaps try a little more to at least speak with me again, to honour what he has been asking of me, to love him again, like i loved him before, it seemed to be what he wanted, perhaps he wants that still, i don't know, i can't know for sure, he loves me, but he is not here as he should be, with me, for him i am willing to try, i have been trying, i want to love him for him, not so much for me, if he told me he loves me I could perhaps be happy to love him for me, if he is having sex with other people, a reality, I have to be careful of that situation that knowing those realities, that those realities don't set in and hurt me, I have to be careful of that, and I'm sure he would agree that perhaps that's sensible, I could be with him, for a little while, if after a short space of time he said he was leaving me for a time, i would have to let him go and close the relationship, he has to be sure of himself and of me, but, i too am worthy of special love and i don't want to be on my own. I want to feel safe and to be with him, for him, I do find myself in love again, because he returned, in a manner of speaking, it has been a terribly upsetting time since I saw him again, but I became susceptible to him when I realized his interest in me again, oh, some time ago, 2009, to be precise, if he loves me I love him, if he doesn't love me I will stop loving him, however, i will always care about him, i want him to be a good person, which i'm sure he is and deserving of my love, and me too to be deserving of his love, if not we both will remain with only a rosy view of each other to sustain us apart from all the hurt. There have been miles and miles of hurt between us, i'm prepared to at least try, for him, for me, I'm not sure of his love, not until he tells me, I love him, and I would like him to tell me he loves me and wants me again, if that is what he wants, i'm prepared to want him back, I would rather be in love than not be in love. I would like the chance to do right by him and love him, and if he could do the right thing by me and love me, our lives might be complete, at least so long as he wished to nurture love between us. I really have no way of knowing how he feels about me, I've let go of upsetting occurrences, as best as i can, I am trying to see a way through to loving him again, I can only go so far, deep love between us can only happen again if we are together, I'm on my own, I'm not with anyone so I am free to love him more sensibly, for him, I would welcome him if he wants me and if he is genuine, then I welcome that, very much. I can only say I love him if he is here for me to tell him that, otherwise I can't tell him that. I don't wish to become involved with lots of people, I don't at this moment in time wish to be involved with anyone else, but him, to give things between us a try, i would at this moment in time continue with my life as it is, however, i am lonely, he makes me feel lonely because one moment he is saying he loves me and wants to be with me, next moment he is saying different things altogether, and its confusing, i am not standing still, i'm evolving as a person, and i'm educated, i'm prepared to give things a go between us because i know he has feelings for me which may be love, if so, i'm happy to love him if he wants me to love him, i don't want to say no, and i would love for him to have the opportunity of speaking with me so that he can get to know me, and me with him, to speak with one another, see where life takes us, I could take care of him and love him, and so long as he didn't fly off and hurt me because of some ill-imagined reason that I can't fathom, I would like to be in love, for him, only with him. I appreciate life happens because that is the nature of life, we evolve and it's important to recognize that. I live in my own flat, its quite small, but I'm comfortable here, I'm happy, I'm always happy to come home after I've been away or out somewhere, its not what i'm accustomed to in terms of size, but its fine, this is the home i've created since being in love with him then, the resultant situation, a break up, a parting of the ways, me living on my own because i loved a man once who wants to love me, i think, i can't explain his hurtful behaviour towards me, its unexplainable, however, I would love for the person I've agreed to love to spend a little time with me, here, to know how I live, where I live my life, really, I will say i love him, because he asks that of me, and I loved him unremittingly once, I can love him again, i can try, if that is what he wants from me, and I want him here, too, if that is what would make him happy. I don't want him to hurt me because i don't deserve that, and i certainly have no wish to hurt him in any way. Could we be sexual with each other, I think so, I think it's a pre-requisite to us being together as a couple. Some people may say we are not suited, but I want him to know, I love him now, and that he suits me very well, he is a human being, someone to be cherished, not be messed about with. This is my room, my life, I am in love, because of him returning to my life, and I'm here. He doesn't really know me, how can he, we have never had that crucial time together, I don't really know him as a person, it was all eyes, warmth, love, heat, truly, love, does he remember, I don't know, does he love me at all or enough to speak with me and tell me, i don't know that either, can he know me enough to trust in me, i would hope so, could i trust in him, i would hope so. Is he worthy of love, of course, of course he is worthy of love, me too, i too am worthy of love, with each other, should he be free and if that is the course of our lives, we will see, time will tell. A room of my own ... A life of my own ... Angela De Freitas

Beauty ... Love ... how to define it ...

Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas, BSc Hons., Open University, DipGeog., Open University - MLit., studied, Open University, MPhil., and Playwriting, studied, Birmingham University Beauty is being in love and wishing others well. In those times when we are not in love, we can still wish others well and wait patiently for our turn. Our turn to be beautiful. If it takes a long time between being in love and being truly beautiful, well, we just have to go with the flow of life and be ourselves, if possible not allow others sometimes to upset us, deeply, so that we can remain at least part of an evolving human race whose true empathy in life is in beauty and love. In what makes us beautiful and how to attain eternal love. In absence of being in love and in a relationship we can still strive for love, we are not a closed book, we are an open book and we can forge and re-discover love with our families, our friends and new friends who may enter our lives, we should never close our minds to the potential for love, familial, in friends and romantic, and how we may find it and live it. I would in all honesty prefer to be in blissful married love, with only me and the love of my life, hello, my love, it's what I would like, ideally, so, I don't know if that situation is possible, whether it will or could happen, I just don't know, but what I do know for sure is that it is very much what I want, i want to be with someone who wants to be with me. There are lots of people in the world who are beautiful, people whose character and personality are evolved, they are extremely intelligent and supremely beautiful, and life for those people must be equally beautiful, if I was in a successful career I too would be a person of that kind of beauty, and somewhat complete; or I would be home taking care of my husband and our home, and that's the kind of beauty that I would wish for for me and for him, that we should make each other truly happy and be totally complete. However, even if we do leave home to work at a job we can still be part of a happy relationship or marriage, but it must be what we would both want, in terms of commitment and longevity in our relationship or marriage. It will help immensely if we are both compatible in every way imaginable, at this stage of my life, for me, for instance, everything must be right, I don't want half measures and I'm sure that my husband, let us say i have a husband who is beautiful and waiting in the wings, he would want full measures from me in everything and in every way. For me, a man is beautiful if he is in love with me, to see inner beauty in one's husband to be because of me is bliss beyond compare, to be loving with one another, and that's what I would wish for, bliss, for me and for him, for him to see inner beauty in me shine for him too. Even without meeting a person we know of and have fallen in love with, we know immediately we're in love for sure the moment we do meet each other, it is a very unusual dynamic, but it happens, because it has happened to me, I knew instinctively a person i met was the person for me, and when I saw him and looked into his eyes, and not only that, but the warmth in both of us communicated a very important message which said we were both in love, with each other, and I knew I was in love. I believe it must be the same for the person who once fell in love with me, that he knew instinctively he would find love in me. However, once in a life time, unexpectadly, life happens, it happens for many important reasons, to make room for change, if those changes become obverse, when for many reasons we cannot be together with a person we love deeply and comprehensively, we adapt our lives, even in horrendous pain, because i knew i had been surgically removed in half from the person i should have loved, the person i would have found my inner soul to live and breath with then, in that moment and time. When it becomes impossible to be together we go on and find our lives in a different place. Life happens, we cannot stand still, even if everything we are experiencing, the traumatic changes, for me, these changes happen and we live with such change and we evolve as people, perhaps we even become better people for those experiences, and that is life, we have to embrace change and get on with our lives. We all know that. We don't need to be geniuses to comprehend the ways of life or love, we have lived this far we can manage change. We can manage our lives and experiences and we must live in ways that lead us forward into furthering our potential for other changes with new experiences to sustain us. For me, with my husband who could be and get on with the rest of our lives. However, what if we meet someone who is unusual, different to our selves, this too can happen, where the person in our lives has other interests that involve other similar loves for him, that are important and sustaining in his life, if those situations involving other people are what make him happy and complete, then hopefully we could look at that together, so long as those other loves and involvements are clean and wholesome and sustaining experiences for either person involved we cannot seriously arrest that person's life and be unhappy with that, if something or someone would make the person we love, happy, surely then we can be open to that situation, we can accommodate such changes in our lives and proceed, if that is what he wants and wishes for to make him complete. That's it, we can't say to that person, no, your cannot live your life, we say to that person, live your life. There are many different ways we can show our love for the person we love and if seeing another person apart from our relationship or marriage is a way to do that, to acommodate change with another person or people, then we do that, we let go and get on with life. To adapt to those changes essentially we should talk about that, all of us fall in love, sometimes often, sometimes not, we can't deny that in another person, that is the reality, its whether the person we are with can accommodate those realities in us should it be our turn to love another love, if you can bear it so can I, at least try., that's all we can do for the person we love, if its love, we let go, little by little. Love ...beauty ... how to define it ... Angela Maria De Nobrega Freitas